It pains me to admit this, it really does, but here it is. I became a yeller. *sigh* The one thing I have perpetually given my own mother a hard time for since the time I was old enough to get away with it. It is shocking, really, to think that I yell. I LOATH loudness!! Every fiber of my being cringes away from harsh extreme noises, particularly voices. I think one of the integral things I love about Matt is that he NEVER raises his voice to me!!! And yet, for all of this, I found myself YELLING at my kids. UGH. I feel terrible about it. You know how before you are an active duty parent you have all these ideas of how things will be and what you will or wont do. I came into this with the awareness that some ideas would hold, and some would fall. Some principles can be adjusted or altered to fit our reality. Many I have chosen to compromise, there are few actually that I have found I have not compromised or changed. But this one, this is THE one I am not willing to let myself slide on. I demand that I do better, or more accurately DIFFERENT.
Once I realized what I was doing, and determined that this was a non-negotiable principle I instituted a plan to alter the course of my actions. It has not been easy. It has not happened quickly. It still requires constant vigilance on my part. However, over the past 2-3 weeks I have seen indications that my plan is working! What relief!
I decided that each time I wanted to raise my voice I would do the EXACT opposite. I whisper. Not just "lower" my voice to normal speaking volume. But actually sitting in the chapel with silence all around WHISPER!! The kids respond sooooo amazingly. Why? Well, for one I have to get up of my lazy can and walk over to where they are in order for them to hear the whisper. It is hard to ignore Momma when she is kneeling on the floor 6 inches from you! Secondly, like me they DO NOT like loudness!!! I have been told by multiple sources that my children are uncommonly quiet, oh they talk a lot, don't get me wrong, but they just do it in a reasonably mild voice. Therefore, I think they feel more respected when I respect their sensitivity. Who doesn't respond better to a direction given in respect and love? Finally, and arguably the most important factor, is that when I am quiet I can feel and hear the Holy Ghost directing my responses to the children's behaviors. I am more patient, understanding, and in tune with their needs when I am whispering. I would like to take credit for this idea, but I cannot, I prayed about this problem for days. I was prompted to try this, and it is working. I still slip, sometimes a cup of muddy water on the couch warrants a little bit of a strong reaction! But it is usually followed by a whisper and a hug.
Two things have lead me to believe that this little system is starting to take hold as an automatic response. First was that I noticed Clara whispering at us when she is upset!! It took me a few times to figure out what was up. I remember when I told Matt, he was playing with them and told her no for some reason. She walked right up to him, got in his face and started whispering something quite feeling at him. He repeatedly tried to get her to speak up so he could understand, she wouldn't. When I walk out of the kitchen to see what was going on and observed this it occurred to me that she was angry with him and "giving him heck" in a whisper!! I laughed and laughed and felt soo pleased that my behavior has been consistent enough that she was emulating it!! Secondly, I notice myself stopping and walking over to the children before I even open my mouth, the knee jerk reaction to yell is diminishing! I hope to master this, I really do. I want my kids to grow up and tell people, "My mom was not a yeller, actually, you knew you were in BIG trouble when you could no longer hear her unless you were standing right next to her! You did not want to make mom WHISPER!!!" Ha Ha Ha Wouldn't that be funny! And think about it, if a whisper is bad you are less likely to act up in places that require only whispering, like sacrament meeting! I see great possibilities for this........
